This is a picture of our family four years ago. We were smiles on the outside...but not so much on the inside. I had taken a pregnancy test earlier in the week and it was positive *yeah*! Then over the long holiday weekend, I had started spotting. To add to that horrible feeling, Cody had something go majorly out of place in his neck, and he was in excruciating pain. Not wanting to spoil the special family day that we had planned, we put on smiles as best as we could and headed off to the Henry Dorley Zoo.
It's strange, I have no idea what I had for breakfast yesterday, but yet I can remember and replay the events and the conversations I was having with God that day four years ago. Sometimes, it was a complete cry for help and other times it was complete peace of mind. I knew God was in control, but letting His control rule over my emotions was a challenge.
Desperate feeling times aren't necessarily ones I seek after, but it's amazing how God uses them to draw us closer to Him. I've had several more of those "times" in the last four years...mostly because of the news we found out 24 hours later: TWINS!
It was the strangest feeling to go to the doctor's office and have a mindset that God gives and God takes away...we would choose to say "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord" no matter what happened at that visit on Tuesday. I went alone--Cody was getting some help for his neck. It was a cold, sterile room which confirmed the worst in my mind. Then to hear the words, "Here's a heartbeat." (sudden relieved sigh) Then the words, "And another heartbeat." Obviously I was still a little stunned at the finding of a heartbeat...so was this another view? Nope...two babies! I must have looked like I'd been struck with pixy dust. The doctor went on in a very non-emotional way to tell me not to get my hopes up--many times women carry a "phantom twin" who miscarries and the other baby goes on to be delivered full term. Too late for that--my hopes were already there: twins!!!
I remember the phone call to Cody (this may be too revealing of how quickly materialism creeps in!): "We're gonna need two everything! How are we going to get two beds, two high chairs...this is going to be expensive!" "What are you talking about? Is the baby ok?" "Yes, there are two heart beats!" "Whoa..." .silence.
The next few weeks were filled with prayer, fear, and wonder.
The rest as they say is history! I'm sure I'll fill in more details as different "anniversaries" of moments in time come to mind.
This is one of my stories of grace. I love Psalm111 that encourages us to remember what the Lord has done for us!
Psalm 1111 Praise the L
I will thank the L
as I meet with his godly people.
2 How amazing are the deeds of the L
All who delight in him should ponder them.
3 Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty.
His righteousness never fails.
4 He causes us to remember his wonderful works.
How gracious and merciful is our L
5 He gives food to those who fear him;
he always remembers his covenant.
6 He has shown his great power to his people
by giving them the lands of other nations.
7 All he does is just and good,
and all his commandments are trustworthy.
8 They are forever true,
to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity.
9 He has paid a full ransom for his people.
He has guaranteed his covenant with them forever.
What a holy, awe-inspiring name he has!
10 Fear of the L
All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom.
Praise Him forever!